I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
