I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have already put on my inside pants.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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