How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
