Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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