I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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