Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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