im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
