As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
