Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the condom got lost in my hair
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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