My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
