I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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