im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
