my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
