But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
