His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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