there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
