I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
