Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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