Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
