i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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