bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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