it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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