Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
