I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
