well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
