I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So. Much. Porn.
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