apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
