I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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