A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
