she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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