it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
