My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
