i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
