New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think I sprained my soul last night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
