Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
