Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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