ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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