I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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