I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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