I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
