this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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