My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
