She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
