careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
