My friends, they love my intelligence
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
