Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
