i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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