I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
