This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
