watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
