The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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