My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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