i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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