I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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