yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
